


From The Horse's Mouth

by narwhalpuppy



Category: BoJack Horseman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:07:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21768847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narwhalpuppy/pseuds/narwhalpuppy
Summary: When Bojack doesn't get a gig for hosting a documentary.   Bojack, Todd, and Diane set out to help him make one of his own.
Kudos: 1





	From The Horse's Mouth

Bojack Horseman Presents:

A Narwhal Puppy Production

From The Horse's Mouth

At the restaurant known as Elefante. There was Bojack Horseman. He was at the bar drinking some shots. Bojack owned the bar nontheless. Pickles Aplenty comes to him to serve him another shot. "What's the occasion?" asked Pickles. "There is none. More like failure to remind me of what a piece of shit I really am." Bojack implies. "Thinks will get better for you." said Pickles. "Yeah, sure." said Bojack. Pickles Aplenty went to serve more costumers. Princess Carolyn comes into Elefante along with Mr. Peanutbutter and Diane. Princess Carolyn comes up to Bojack. "Hey, sweetheart. Still depressed?" asked Princess Carolyn. "Aren't I always? Why is it I can never find a decent fucking gig anymore?" shouted Bojack. 

"It wasn't my fault you couldn't host that Ghosts Of War Documentary." said Princess Carolyn. "I know. Vanessa Gecko gave the one to Mr. Peanutbutter. The one I WANTED!" Bojack recalls. "That's why we're here to help cheer you up." Mr. Peanutbutter says. Diane assures Bojack, "Something will come your way soon." "Yeah, thanks!" said Bojack. "You know, if you can't get acting roles anymore, you ought to consider directing. Just throwing that out there." Princess Carolyn says. 

Bojack stood up from his chair at the bar. "You know, you're correct. But I don't know where to begin with that." "All you need to do is think of something that is of your interest and sell it." said Mr. Peanutbutter. 

"Well, since I didn't get to host a documentary I shall make one of my own!" Bojack said vexedly. "Attaboy, Bojack! Who knows? Maybe I can make a guest appearance on yours! Then I can say, 'Hell! What is this? The Crossover Documentary?!'" cackles Mr. Peanutbutter. "This is something I want to be part of. Directing a documentary will do wonders for your career. I'd like to throw my hat in to help you." Diane says. "You don't have a hat." Bojack tells her. 

At Bojack Horseman's mansion he was pacing around in his living room. Todd didn't know what to think. "Usually when you pace around like this, you're getting an idea." Todd asked off the cuff. "Exactly. Damn that Mr. Peanutbutter getting to host a documentary that I wanted to do! I always lose out to him. What does he have that I don't!" Bojack demanded. "Uhhh, Diane?" asked Todd in a joking type of way. 

Bojack ignore's Todd's remark and pacing some more. "I decided to direct one of my own. Just have to think of a topic and.........I know! I got it!" 

"What're you going to direct?" asked Todd. "A crime documentary! One about that drug lord in Panama Manuel Noriega." Bojack says. 

Todd goes on his computer and looks up Manuel Noriega. "Says right here there's a rumor he has a hidden treasure somewhere in an empty apartment building in Panama City!" 

Bojack remembers all the news reports about Manuel Noriega's reign of terror. "That son of a bitch was on the news all the time......"

Reading some more information Todd says and then laughs, "Oh look at this! The band Guns and Roses played Welcome To the Jungle over and over to get him to surrender. Ha! So hilarious!" 

"In fact around 1989 when Horsin' Around was at the height of it's popularity. There was always News Interruptions about that asshole's latest endeavors." Bojack speaks. 

"You going to go through with it? Can I come too? This dude was a drug kingpin!" Todd asked. 

"Yes you can. All I need to do is go to MSBNSea and see if I can get some approval for it." said Bojack. 

"Hooray! A documentary here we come!" Todd cheers. 

At the MSNBSea building, Bojack has a meeting with Tom Grumbo-Jumbo. "So lets see if I'm following you here. You want to direct a documentary about a Panama City politician turned drug lord?" 

"Correct." said Bojack. 

"You just happened to find out Manuel Noriega has some hidden 'treasure' in an apartment complex that's no longer vacant, correct?" Tom Grumbo-Jumbo said.

"Right, I did my research. My source. The internet!" Bojack answers him. 

Tom Grumbo-Jumbo extends his hand to shake Bojack's. "The project is all yours. Once it's done you can air it on my network as a special." 

"I say this much, you won't regret it!" Bojack said. "Geraldo Rivera ain't got nothing on you!" Tom Grumbo-Jumbo laughed. 

Everything was settled and in place. Two weeks after, Mr. Peanutbutter and Princess Carolyn were at LAX seeing Bojack, Todd, and Diane off on his project. 

"Stay safe out there. Want a kiss for luck?" Princess Carolyn said. Bojack and Princess Carolyn kiss as does Mr. Peanutbutter and Diane. "Make the best damned documentary you can!" encouraged Princess Carolyn. "Don't let those Panama soldiers shoot you all in the ass!" Mr. Peanutbutter jokes. "Very funny, Mr. Peanutbutter! Mock me one more time, I'll send you a postcard addressed to your ass!" Bojack mumbled. 

"Got everything for this?" aske Diane. "I did. All the filming equipment I have for this got past the customs agents." Bojack said. Todd looks out the window at the runway and sees their stuff getting loaded into the airplane lower deck. "Yep! there's our stuff all right." 

"Final Boarding Call To Flight 108 With Non Stop Service To Panama City!" 

Bojack, Diane, and Todd all boarded the plane. Mr. Peanutbutter and Princess Carolyn watched as it took off into the sky. 

"Going to miss him so much. I hope he knows what he's doing." Princess Carolyn worried. "You can all faith in Bojack if you want. I sure as hell don't." said Mr. Peanutbutter counting the number of times Bojack Horseman has screwed up.

After a long flight that felt like an eternity the plane finally landed in Panama City. Getting off the plane Diane has a flash of herself being in the Republic of Cordovia. "Wow this place reminds me so much of my ordeal in Cordovia." Diane replied. "Now all we need to do is find Manuel Noriega's old palace." said Bojack. 

Todd looks all around as they exited the Panama City airport. "This will probably like National Treasure or The Deep. Those are treasure movies that I watched before we came here." said Todd. Stepping outside, the three of them were immediately stopped by the Public Forces who were both humans and animals. "Detener! Cual es tu negocio aqui Panama?" 

Standing forward, Todd tells the Public Forces, "Uhhhh, hablar no espansol?" The Public Forces says, "All right we speak English then." "Your quick thinking really helped us Todd!" said Diane. "Where did you learn Spanish?" asked Bojack. "Spent a lot of time with Mexican Drug dealers." Todd responds. 

Soon after, The Public Forces immediately recognizes Bojack. "Hey! We know you! You Bojack Horseman! The star of Horsin' Around! Very very popular here in Panama!" "We also enjoyed your movie Seceratariat and Philbert!" "Yep! That's our Bojack! International star!" Diane said. Bojack tells the Public Forces, "I'm here to film a documentary about Manuel Noriega. Want to try my hand at directing." Bojack explains. 

The Public Forces give their approval. "Okay you can stay. However you need permission from the consulate and you need a Tour Guide. We take you there." "Take our luggage too". Diane said. The Public Forces have Bojack, Diane, and Todd get inside a taxi and drove them all to the consulate. 

Arriving at the Panama consulate, The Public Forces introduce Bojack, Todd, and Diane to the president of Panama Laurento Cortizo. "Welcome to Panama!" he tells them all. Then he sees Bojack. "Hey, I know you! Bojack Horseman! Star of Horsin Around! Love that show! That's too much man!" Laurento heartedly laughs as he shakes his hand. 

"Pleasure to meet you President." Bojack tells him. "You sure have a popular following here!" said Todd. "What brings you to Panama?" asked Laurento. "We are here to direct a documentary about Manuel Noriega. It was all his idea." Diane explains. "All we need is your okay to do so." Bojack tells the President. "Sure! I approve! Anything for a star! I'll give you the go ahead! Be sure to obey the tour guide I'm going to assign to you." Laurento said. 

The Tour Guide was a Spider Monkey. "Good to meet you Bojack Horseman. My name is Arana Sanchez." the Spider Monkey introduces himself. "Do you know about Manuel Noriega's hidden treasure?" asked Todd. "Indeed I have. But if you want to do this documentary before getting to that empty apartment where it's rumored to be. First you have to do a tour of Manuel Noriega's old palace first." 

"Sure, we're up for that." said Bojack Horseman. "This sounds like it could be a fun adventure." Diane said. "Actors doing a documentary!" Arana said to Bojack. Well, I'm not the first one. Julia Roberts did a one about the monkeys in Africa 20 years ago." Bojack speaks. "Come this way." Arana says.

Arana Sanchez has Bojack, Todd, and Diane get into his Jeep. Loading all the filming equipment into the trunk, and drives them all to Manuel Noriega's old palace. 

"You know I heard Panama is one of the great places get some dirt cheap drugs!" Todd said. "Where is his old place?" asked Bojack. "Just beyond this jungle." Arana tells them. 

* * * 

As Arana was driving them through the Panama Jungles, they see the culture right before their eyes. Both humans and animals living the Panama way. Todd says, "Wow! This is very much like that Peter Jackson King Kong movie! Hope there's no oversized apes here!" "Shut up, Todd! This is serious! Could be the pinnacle point of my career! Keep your goddamned mouth shut!" Bojack warned his stoner friend. Diane was now filming with the camera. The Van Halen song Panama plays as a Voice over is heard and a caption is shown.

"BOJACK HORSEMAN PRESENTS! THE SECRET TREASURE OF MANUEL NORIEGA!" As Arana was driving he says, "Yes. Bojack Horseman, very famous celebrity is here with me. He and his friends are going to take a tour of Noriega's compound! We should be here just about...........now!" Finally making their stop at Noriega's compound. Arana decides that he will do the filming. Diane felt annoyed. "Uhhh, thanks for nothing. I was just fine with filming!" Entering the palace, Bojack, Todd, and Diane all look at the camera. 

"The reason for doing this today is that I was informed that Noriega's treasure is hidden somewhere in Panama City in an empty apartment place." Bojack says to the camera. Diane said, "But first we will take you around where the notorious monster once resided. For educational purposes!" Todd said to the camera, "HI MOM AND DAD! LOOK I FINALLY MADE SOMETHING OF MYSELF! I'M THE SON YOU ALWAYS WANTED! HOORAY!" 

Looking around the palace, Arana says as he was filming. "Oh my yes. I remember his reign of terror quite well. Manuel Noriega before he became the monster that he was started off as a politician. He had ties to the United States, he ruled Panama from 1983-1989." Bojack asks Arana, "So with this much power, I'll bet he became corrupt. Am I right?" 

"Oh yes. Noriega became famous for the drug supply of this country. He got overthrown when the US Invaded Panama." Arana explains. Todd looks around and sees that the Noriega palace wasn't what it used to be. It was once full of life, but now an empty tenantless shell of it's former glory. "Man, this dude must've been fucking loaded! If I had lived here back in the day I'd be his favorite servant! Have all the drugs I want!" 

"Can we please cease on the profane language? We are filming something here." Diane told Todd. "No problem, we'll just bleep out what he said." Arana said. Diane asks Arana, "What was it like for you living under Noriega's rule?" Arana says, "I'm afraid I was just a kid then. I grew up poor with no resources or creature comforts. We had to go through desperate extremes just to get by." "Sounds like my own rotten childhood." Bojack affirms. 

Arana continues, "Everyday we'd see people and animals getting killed on the streets. My own father went out to get us some supplies and he never returned. We have concluded that he probably was killed." "Really sorry you had to go through that." said Diane. "It's not easy living under a dictatorship." Arana tells his story. Still going around the compound, everyone goes upstairs and sees a balcony. 

"This was where he would deliver his famous speeches." Arana tells Bojack. "Here's a funny fact, when my show Horsin' Around was airing, it kept getting preempted for News Reports about this asshole! Oops! I wasn't supposed to swear was it?" "Dammit Bojack! First Todd, now you. This documentary will have a TV-MA rating because of you!" Diane spat out. 

Arana leads Bojack, Todd, and Diane into what used to be Noriega's bedroom. Todd cracks a joke, "Bet he got all sorts of laid in here!" "He had lots of mistresses during his heyday. That also reminds me of all the massive rapes I had to see when I was growing up." Arana says. Bojack grabs Todd by the arm. 

"Yo! Hey! What's the deal, Bojack, I'm not a child!!" "Act like a kid, get treated like one!" Bojack scoffed. "All right, sorry. I'll stop." Todd said. "Are you trying to ruin this documentary on purpose?" Bojack huffed at Todd. "Was just trying to have a little fun." Todd says. "Enough now!" Bojack said. Arana was coming up with the camera as was Diane. "What's going on here?" Diane asked. "Todd was just....." Bojack was cut off as Diane tells him, "You're just lucky Arana didn't get what you did to Todd on camera." 

"Where to next?" asked Bojack. "The courtyard." said Arana. All were following Arana to the courtyard. "Do you know any history of Noriega?" asked Bojack. "I'm sure our viewers will love to know." Arana responds, "He grew up with a poor Mestizo family. He tried to get into medical school here in Panama. But instead he went to a Military school. That's all I know." "Okay thanks for that, next time use Wikipedia." said Bojack, "What's the deal with the courtyard? "This was where his garden used to stand. Now it's just all dead leaves and tall branches of weeds." Arana explains. "They look like beanstalks." Todd observes and adds, "Maybe Jack the Giant Slayer can use these!" 

Diane asked, "Did Noriega have a place where he used to train his armies?" Arana has Bojack, Todd, and Diane follow him to the top floor of the palace. Outside on a rooftop where what used to be a training gym for Noriega's armies. Was now desolate and lifeless. 

"This was the place where he trained his men. Nothing much left of it now." Arana said. Bojack says to the camera, "So that concludes our tour of Manuel Noriega's palace, I mean compound. So, he got rich and got consumed with greed by selling all those drugs, correct?" Arana said, "Exactly." Diane says, "Have you heard anything about the hidden treasure he has in an empty apartment?" 

Arana answers, "When he got overthrown all his assets he earned from his money laundering with drugs. He told some of his men that if by chance he ever gets overthrown, to grab as much of his riches as possible to go into hiding so all his earnings won't be lost." "That makes lots of sense. So did that mean he had hope he'll come back into power again?" asked Diane. "Probably I guess. Once he have done for, I don't think he had lots of hope for getting back into power again!" Arana says. 

Bojack asks Arana, "Can you take us to Panama City where this supposed treasure is?" Arana responds, "I can. It'll probably be hard to probe and infiltrate the building." "What do you suggest we use?" asked Todd. "Perhaps Explosives! I'll just make a call to the Public Forces to see if they can do anything!" Arana said. 

Afterward the tour of Noriega's palace was done. Arana gave the camera back to Diane. "I have to drive so I'll let you take over." "Thank you. I am very capable of filming this." Diane said. Arana let out a hearty laugh, "I get it. You're one of those feminist types?" "Third wave." said Diane. "The thing is, she's not very talkative about her political views." said Todd. Arana drives Bojack, Todd, and Diane into Panama City and now they were all going to the empty apartment. On the way there, Bojack interviews Arana, "So, not to bring myself into anything here, but what was your favorite episode of Horsin' Around?" 

"Oh dear." Diane scoffed in a sotto voice. Arana laughs, "Oh my! That show was very big here in Panama! I still remember the theme song! Three Little Orphans One Two Three....."

Todd, Bojack, Arana all sang together however Diane doesn't join and hangs her head in embarrasment, "Without a home or a family tree! Until this horse said, come live with me!" Todd said to Arana, "Do you know the theme to Philbert too!" Arana said, "I'm afraid I was too busy with my life and job to have time for that show." Bojack felt a little hurt when Arana confessed to that. "It didn't really go over very well. I for one don't blame you! Did you ever see my Secretariat movie?" asked Bojack. 

"My yes! You were awesome in that! Anyway I forget to tell you my favorite Horsin' Around episode was Circus Time! Ha ha ha! That Sabrina trying to go up that ladder and then rides the elephant!" Arana laughs. "So much for Bojack being serious about this." Diane chirped. "Oh come on! Give Bojack a break! He's just having a little fun." Todd tells Diane. 

Bojack describes the episode, "Yes and to catch up with her, I actually shot myself out of a cannon!" Todd laughs, "That episode rocked man! Bojack had to fall into a net!" Arana laughs again as he was driving into Panama City. "I never laughed so much at TV in my life until I saw that episode! However, it was when I was finally able to afford one. Thanks to your show, Bojack. It really gave me a bright spot and made a difference in my otherwise miserable life." Arana said. 

"I'm very glad to hear that. Sometime you should watch Philbert when you have some time." suggests Bojack. 

Looking all over, Arana drove into a into a decaying and impoverished part of the city. People and animals were outside selling things like dishes and vases. Standing in the dirt filled streets begging for food or money. Some were prostitutes, some were aiming guns. Walking around looking for something to eat. Chickens were running around. 

As Arana was driving all the people including children all recognized Bojack and all tried to clamor around him. "Horsin' Around! Horsin' Around! It's the Horse! Horse fantastico! Have you come to bring great cheer to our village? Horsin' Around! Horsin' Around! Secretariat! Philbert! Philbert!" "I want your autograph so I can sell it for many riches!" "Yes let us take your picture for money so I can feed my starving family!" Bojack was stunned about being mobbed by the nearly homeless people and animals who recognized him from his works in his acting career. "Uh, a little help here please! What is this! The movie Central Station? Or Children of Heaven?" 

"Leave that to me, Bojack!" said Diane then she finds a loaf of bread in the ground and throws it at the poverty stricken citizens. They all notice the bread and ran after it finally leaving Bojack alone. "Wow! At least your popularity still matters somewhere, right?" Todd laughs. "Again! Shut up Todd!" Bojack said. "Anyway are we there yet?" "Just about coming to it! Good thing the Public Forces looked into it they agreed to use dynamite to blow up the building." Arana said. Diane says, "It'll be interesting to see what that bastard left behind." "Can we see the Panama Canal next?" asked Todd but was ignored. 

Bojack was now on his way to film the highlight of his documentary. 

* * * 

Reaching their destination. It was an old empty apartment building rumored to have treasures from Manuel Noriega hidden inside. Getting out of car, Bojack, Diane, and Arana have seen the building. "Well this is it, amigos." Arana informs them. Diane notices Bojack brushing himself off feeling dirty after being mobbed by the homeless poor citizens. "Feel like I haven't bathed or showered in days, weeks, or months!!" "Don't let anyone here you say that!" Diane warns. 

A spat occurs between them. "And why not? Who died and made you Queen of Political Correction!?" Bojack shouts. "You could be insulting their culture." Diane said. "Nobody heard me!" Bojack reminds her. Diane says, "They could've, how do you think Arana would feel!" Bojack snaps, "Diane! Did you bring any sanitary wipes! Shit! I feel like shit here!" "Cool it, Bojack! It could be worse! At least we're not in Iraq or Syria! Besides, you're treating me like I'm your sniveling toady." Diane said. "I can't believe I was ever in love with you!" Bojack snorts. 

"Oh yeah. Stealing the D from Hollywood. That's a sign of love!" Diane said sarcastically. "Whatever! Let's just move on!" Bojack spits at Diane. Arana tells Bojack, "Like that meme always says, 'Keep Calm and Film Documentary'!" "You have those memes here, too!" asked Bojack. "They're everywhere," Arana said, "The Public Forces all have explosives in place....." 

Bojack sees Todd is nowhere around, "Where the hell is Todd!" Diane gasped, "Oh no! He's gone! We can't do this without him! Hope he didn't get abducted." They were relieved when they see Todd from far away who is surrounded by poor people and animals. 

"All right dudes. You need to learn English! So I'll teach you some! Repeat after me! 'Fool Me Once Shame On You'!" 

The homeless people and animals try their best to repeat what Todd said, "Foo Me Vonce Slame Own You!" 

"Good! Good! HOORAY! HOORAY! Great start so far! Now say, 'Fool Me Twice, Chicken Soup with Rice'"! Todd tells them all.

Then the homeless people and animals repeat again, "Foo Me Trice Cheeken Soop Weeth Ryce!" 

Todd claps for them, "Hooray! Now you're getting it!" Only to be pulled away by Diane. "What? I was just giving them an English lesson." Todd said. "Come on back! They're about to do the unveiling!" Diane said. "By the way, how did you know about the Panama Canal?" "Uh, Mr. Peanutbutter and I watched a movie about it once." Todd answers. 

Diane drags Todd back to the scene where the empty apartment was. Everyone clamoured about to see what all the commotion was going down. Bojack asked, "What was this apartment called?" Arana says, "Ironically is was called Casa De La Riquez which is Spanish for House of Riches!" Bojack cracks up, "No wonder Noriega wanted his riches hidden in here!" 

Silverchair's Straight Lines plays. 

Arana now had the camera, "Bojack, begin! Tell these people and animals here! What do you plan to do with this building!" 

"Bojack Horseman here! And I am going to blow up this empty building to see what treasure lies beneath inside. The Treasure of Manuel Noriega!" 

Arana hands Bojack a detonator, "Would you like to do the honors?" 

"Absolutely! It's on! baby! IT'S ON!" 

There were sticks of dynamite attached to the detonator. As Arana was filming Bojack pushes down on the detonator plunger three times. Bojack pulling down the plunger to the detonator was filmed in slow motion. Within minutes, the building was blown to pieces. All the spectators were watching and cheering as the action was going on in before their eyes. 

Bojack was proud of himself, "Yes! We did it! Now let's go see what's inside!" Diane calls out, "This is the moment we've all been waiting for!" 

Diane, Bojack, and Todd all ran inside the now blown up apartment building searching around to see what was inside. 

"Nothing so far." Diane said. "We'll keep looking! There's got to be something!" said Todd. Bojack goes around and finally sees something that looks like gold. "Eureka! Think there's something here!" Bojack tells the spectators waiting with bated breath. 

Instead of finding treasure, the golden thing Bojack found was actually a golden syringe. Then they found kilos of cocaine, heroin, and any other drugs imaginable. 

Todd was the only one who found excitement in this. "This place is a gold mine! Man, I wish I could've been alive during the Noriega era dude!" 

Despondent and disappointed that there were no riches to be found, Bojack says to Diane. "This documentary really went to shit didn't it." "Don't worry about it, Bojack. Maybe some good will come out of this documentary you filmed." Diane assures him. "People love a good hoax! Your documentary will become a success!" said Todd. Still feeling like the crime documentary he filmed was a complete failure, Bojack said, "This won't do any good for my fucking career! We should just scrap this thing altogether! People were going to expect something big here......" 

"Relax, Bojack. Did Geraldo Rivera complain when he blew up Al Capone's vault only to find there was nothing inside?" Diane asked. Bojack begins to rant, "That's was inspired me to do this! I wanted it to be better than that! Now, It doesn't matter! I came to this awful piss filled third world country....." "Dude, we're still filming!" Todd reminds him. Arana said, "We'll cut that part out!" "We're going back to Hollywoo!" Bojack demands then shouts at the crowd, "GO HOME! NOTHING TO SEE HERE! IT'S OVER! YOU HERE ME! IT'S OVER!" The spectator crowd all went back to their lives. 

Bojack was going into a huge blow up of emotional destruction. That could be his own undoing. 

"You of all people should know life doesn't go the way we want it to." Todd tells Bojack. Todd tries to grab as many drugs as he can then he is stopped by Diane. "Todd! No! Want US Customs Agents to get us?" 

"If this shitty ass thing I filmed goes out to the public, especially the way the viewers will be lead on. While I was here it was a disaster from the start. Being mobbed by these filthy down and out bastards. Yes that's right! I'm talking about these people who live here! Want to live better Panama residents? Get a real job instead of begging and prostituting yourselves! It's that easy! Why not get yourselves an education while you're all at it! Instead of depending on and waiting for the governments of other countries that have it better than you! No wonder you're all poor! All in the while, I'll just be a big fucking joke! That's all I am and that's all I'll ever be! A BIG JOKE! A BIG HUGE GIGANTIC FUCKING JOKE!" Bojack screams into the air then turns around to see some little kids were looking at him funny. 

"WHAT'RE YOU LOOKING AT!" Bojack yelled at the kids. "We never should've came here! Never!" 

"You only did this was because you were jealous of my husband Mr. Peanutbutter getting to host a documentary and that's exactly what you set out to do." Diane extends some reason. 

"What if I show this to Tom Grumbo-Jumbo he'll laugh at me!" Bojack implies. 

Diane continues to move in on Bojack to scold him. "Then you decide to come here to Panama and film something that you think will make you more popular than he is. You didn't want to rebuild your career. You just wanted to stick it to my husband to prove you're better than him. That is what I call selfishess." 

Todd convinces Bojack, "Don't you think it's time to bury the hatchet with Mr. Peanutnbutter." "No use in trying Todd. I don't even know why I bothered helping you with this!" Diane speaks. 

"But I am friends with him, and we do get along...." Bojack explains himself. 

"True I'll give you credit for that. Deep down inside you harbor a grudge against him. After all these years. Still have that sitcom star mentality that you never got over where you want to show yourself off to him! Always trying to find ways to get your career back to make Mr. Peanutbutter look like an asshole. In the end, Bojack. You're the asshole!" Diane said. "How you cussed out these poor people and animals is very unforgivable. You better hope that doesn't make light." 

"Why must everything be a big huge intervention fest!" Bojack said sadly. "Shit! I've become my father!" 

"Good! Finally it penetrated your thick equestrian skull! Pack your bags! We're going back to Hollywoo." said Diane. "Show Tom Grumbo-Jumbo what you have, anyway. He'll understand." said Todd. "He'll probably like this." 

Arana gives the camera back to Bojack. "You have a huge monster hit on your hands with this. Trust me amigo. It may have not turned out the way you wanted. Oh and by the way, I cut out the parts where you swear and have a meltdown." 

Bojack responds listlessly, "Gracias!" 

What Bojack was about to find out was that Arana actually forgot to turn off the camera. 

* * * 

A few days after. Bojack Horseman's Documentary proved to be a ratings juggernaut. Albeit because of his meltdown after finding out there was no treasure. Over at Princess Carolyn's house who offers him solace. Mr. Peanutbutter's documentary Ghosts of Wars aired the same day and got a considerable amount of ratings. Not as high as Bojack Horseman's The Secret Treasure of Manuel Noriega. 

"Arana promised me he didn't film that scene about me ranting." Bojack said. "Maybe he forgot to turn off the camera. It'll be okay. You know how it is in Hollywoo. Your meltdown will be forgotten about in no time." Princess Carolyn tells him. 

"This is just like National Lampoon's European Vacation when Ellen discovered Clark never erased that shower scene!" Bojack trembled. 

"I don't agree with those harsh words Diane said to you." Princess Carolyn said. 

"I know! I can still hear her in my head!" Bojack said sadly. 

The Paparazzi birds flew up to Bojack's window to take pictures of him. Princess Carolyn throws at throw pillow at the window. "Get your asses out of here now!" All over social media, tabloid magazines, and entertainment shows. Bojack's Panama Blow Up was all over. Some news reporters surrounded his mansion hoping to see him come out. Bojack was so depressed. He didn't leave his mansion for days. As soon as Bojack was ready to leave his mansion, he was stopped by Tom Grumbo-Jumbo who wanted to interview him at MSNBsea. Bojack takes up on his offer. 

"So, Bojack Horseman. You wanted to go to Panama to this film to help yourself give a career boost is that right?" asks Tom Grumbo-Jumbo.

"That is correct sir." Bojack answers. "My choice of interest was a crime documentary." 

"Did you really think that Manuel Noriega really had gold hidden in an empty abandoned apartment. Why was that your motivation?" Tom Grumbo-Jumbo wanted to know.

"Well you see, lots of actors and actresses do documentaries in third world countries to show they care. I wanted to show the world that I was more than just a washed up sitcom star." Bojack answers. 

Tom Grumbo-Jumbo adds, "Is it true you did this out of selfishness?"

"Absolutely not," Bojack says, "It was also to show the depths of poverty those citizens of Panama were suffering from. I'll admit I didn't mention that. But hopefully people will have gotten that message." 

Tom Grumbo-Jumbo said, "What were you going to do if those riches really did exist?"

"Give it to the poverty stricken citizens of course," Bojack replies. 

"Have you enjoyed the attention you got when the people of Panama recognized you as The Horse and Philbert?" Tom Grumbo-Jumbo said.

"Yes and no." was Bojack's best response. 

"When you had that tantrum that the so-called treasure was really drugs all along, did you really mean to cuss at those children who were watching you. Did you mean every word you said?" Tom Grumbo-Jumbo asks.

Bojack waves his hand and demands, "Just turn off the camera, please!" 

The End

The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!


End file.
